


Memories in the Darkness

by Jenaa



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4951153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenaa/pseuds/Jenaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marian Hawke has suffered the loss of 4 of her closest family members. Each time accompanying a terrible nightmare and comfort in the people she trusts the most. But what happens when her whole family is taken away? Hawke's walls can't stay up forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories in the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> ♡ So this is my first work for AO3, but the fanfic itself was written a while ago. Very angsty with slight fluff (Sorry, you'll be getting hit in the feels!). Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave a comment or kudos :3 ♡

~*~  
Marian Hawke walked around her small cottage in nothing but a shirt and shorts, her bare feet padding across the wooden floors. Bethany and Carver patiently wait for her to show off her newest skills that she’s learned. Her mother, Leandra, was in the kitchen preparing dinner as her husband Malcolm came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, receiving a gasp from Leandra and a chorus of “Get a room!” from the teenagers. They share a light giggle as Marian starts performing her little dance with her daggers, swiftly dragging the metal through the air with a grace that made her two younger siblings look at her with awe. The household was a picture of perfection, with Leandra placing the cooked food on the table and beckoning her children to the table.

A loud knock to the door attracted the attention of the family as Leandra quickly looked from Malcolm to Bethany. The two mages nodded in an agreement, a silent prayer and a warning to keep their powers hidden. Malcolm reached for the door as two bulky-looking Templars burst through the door yelling commands to the family and scaring the already panicked twins, Marian moving to protect her younger siblings. After what seems to be hours of yelling and accusations, the two Templars grabbed Malcolm and dragged him out of the door, repeating that he was going to the circle and fighting off the now frantic Leandra. A desperate cry escaped Malcolm, calling after his wife and struggling against the grasp the Templars had on him, trying to use his magic or anything to get back to his family. However, it was not meant to be as they watched helplessly as he was dragged away into the distance. That night no one felt like eating, the table being so much quieter without a fifth member in the chair across from his wife. Leandra’s eyes became empty as she sat there staring off into space, tears staining her face but she made no move to wipe them away. Marian escaped outside to ‘cut more firewood'. The twins looked distant too but couldn’t fully understand what had just happened.

That night the three siblings fell asleep on the couch, drawing the heat from each other and taking comfort in each others presence. Marian had a fitful nightmare and Bethany and Carver held her down so she wouldn’t fall off the couch, whispering comforting words and allowing the tears that were held back to fall, as Marian knew one thing the twins didn’t.

No matter how much they hope, their father was never coming home.

~*~

When Marian was told that they were all going to Kirkwall, she kind of hoped it would be easier and nicer than... this. Marian used her daggers and jumped from darkspawn to darkspawn, relishing in the feel of their dead bodies sinking to the floor with one successful stab. Carver was right behind her with his great sword that father had given him years ago but was never strong enough to hold, he was also killing darkspawn, covering her back and keeping his older sister safe. Bethany was further behind them, using her mage abilities that had been locked away for so long to keep herself and her mother safe, only occasionally killing the odd hurlock when they got past her two siblings. Also with them were two new people, a knight from the army, Aveline, and her templar husband Wesley. They both had joined the Hawke family after almost being overwhelmed. After helping the couple, they all realised they were going the same way and decided to stick together. Safety in numbers – or something like that.

They’d been fighting for days now without any sign of stopping. Their muscles screamed for them to stop and rest, even though their heads were running on the adrenaline from battle. They had reached a flat area, where darkspawn came from 3 different paths. Marian and Carver had been fighting tirelessly and Aveline had made her way beside them, using her shield to push the monsters away and usually followed with a stab to the chest with her sword. A fleeting calmness settled over them as the last of the darkspawn were defeated, only for it to be destroyed by earth-shaking thuds coming towards them.

A large beast with horns was suddenly charging towards them, and more specifically, towards Marian.

With a swing of her daggers, Marian readied herself for the impact just as Carver leaped out in front of her and attacked the ogre running at them. However, the beast just raised his right arm and Carver was thrown into the rocky wall to the side of them. Marian, Bethany and Aveline attacked the Ogre and managed to get it down and defeated, only for the sisters to share a panicked look as they ran towards their brother. Leandra had fallen beside Carver, whimpering as she attempted to find a pulse unsuccessfully. She let out all her pain right there, sobbing into the chest of her now deceased son and rocking slightly, mumbling about him being her “little boy” and how she “can’t lose someone else so soon”. Bethany sought her sister’s embrace as Marian’s arms circled her younger sister’s neck, whispering the same comforting words into her ear that Bethany had done for her that night only a year ago.

When they eventually fell asleep on the boat to Kirkwall, Bethany was awoken by a thrashing Marian and crying that broke her heart over and over again. She reached out for her sister and cuddled up to her, hoping that her presence would be enough to calm her.

It was.

~*~

After Carver’s death only a few years before, it was natural for Leandra to beg for Marian to keep Bethany safe in Kirkwall, but Marian had brushed it off and had insisted that Bethany was a force to be reckoned with and that she would be safe with her.

Oh how she had been wrong.

During the time in the deep roads, Marian had encountered many darkspawn and she’d been able to destroy most of them with the help of her sister, Varric and Fenris. But when Bethany had pulled her to the side and shown her wrist, Marian had been terrified. The veins in her wrist had become larger and had become a brighter shade of blue, tracing all the way to her elbow. Marian knew what this was, but she’d hoped it would never happen. It was the taint from those darkspawn, and it would only continue to get worst until it sapped Bethany’s life away. That was, unless they could find the source of the last surviving cure, which was held with the grey wardens.

So, in a way that didn’t give much of her reasoning away, Marian explained to Varric and Fenris that they needed to find the Grey Wardens. There had been talk that some Grey Wardens were actually in the deep roads, if only they could find them. With a new found determination, Marian started walking, unable to accept the possibly inevitable death.

After 2 days search, they still hadn’t found them, but the veins on Bethany’s body had continued upwards so now they covered her face, her eyes turning the same shade as the veins. Marian knew she was close to the end. So reluctantly, and tears clouding her sight, Marian sat Bethany on the cold, rocky ground and told her a story that she remembered from years ago. Marian used to read the story to Bethany whenever she had bad dreams about her father, but now it was used to soothe a new loss. Bethany’s eyes flickered with recognition but her soft smile faltered when she realised what was happening. They hadn’t found the Wardens in time and Bethany was doomed to stay in the deep roads. With a weak smile, Bethany lifted her arm and placed her palm on Marian’s cheek, the older sister nuzzled into the touch as tears streamed down her face, taking her sister’s palm in both of her hands, lowering them to her lap. With her head tipped down and the tears slowing, Marian took a shaky breath and looked Bethany in the eyes.

“I can’t lose you too.” Her voice cracked and fresh tears fell from her cheek, but Marian couldn’t care less.

“I love you sister, and I love Mother. Don’t ever forget that, and don’t ever forget me.” Bethany whispered, also allowing trails of tears to fall down her face, her eyes dropping as her arms went limp. Marian temporarily froze from the lack of weight, but recovered and reached for her sister, holding the body as she sobbed loudly, crying out into the air as Fenris placed a tender hand on her shoulder, but Marian didn’t seem to notice. She stayed there for almost half an hour, but neither Varric nor Fenris had the heart to move her just yet.

They made camp only a few short hours later, but Marian refused to sleep. Varric had already given in to exhaustion and with a last squeeze on the shoulder he had climbed into his make-shift tent. Marian was sat in front of the campfire, across from Fenris, her eyes becoming empty as she stared out into the air. Fenris grunted and stood up, slowly making his way behind Marian.

“Hawke, you need to sleep; you can’t fight darkspawn if you’re sleep deprived.” Marian only shook her head and gave her wrist a flick before returning to look at the fire. She’d already cried enough and now she just felt, empty. She knew what would happen if she went to sleep; she’d drift off into a horrible nightmare, but this time she didn’t have her sibling’s presence to keep her calm and she refused to show weakness to her remaining teammates. Fenris only sighed again and sat beside her, he talked to her about the different stories that he’d heard about death- some nice and some which would haunt her forever – but somehow it made Marian a little calmer, knowing that Bethany will probably be with Carver now, watching over her at the Maker's side. She allowed herself to cry once more as she rested her head in Fenris’ shoulder. He only wrapped an arm around her, drawing light circles across her back. She eventually fell asleep and that night, Fenris was there to stop the nightmares.

~*~

3 years later, Marian came running home, eager to tell Leandra all about what happened that day. When she got through the door, Bodhan told her that Leandra had gone out to visit her uncle Gamlen, so Marian had decided to have a bath and go to bed after her long day, she’d talk to her mother tomorrow when she came back. But when Marian received a surprise visit from Gamlen a few hours later, she knew something was wrong. Gamlen explained how Leandra hadn’t shown up for their meet-up and Marian explained how she’d left ages ago. They’d been searching for hours when Gamlen finally came up with an idea.

“You know, we could ask someone if they’ve seen Leandra. Someone is bound to have seen her.”

Marian agrees and asks the closest person they can find, an Urchin that had been sat on the street floor. He talked about how he’d seen her near the Dark Foundry. Marian’s heart sped up and she could feel the anxiety pooling in her stomach. The whole situation seemed scarily familiar to a case she investigated years ago about a blood mage who was kidnapping women.

Wait...

Marian turned to Gamlen with a speed she only learned through years of training. Her eyes flashing with panic and worry.  
“We need to hurry; we may not have much time.”

With a quick run to get Varric, Isabela and Fenris whom were all in The Hanging Man nearby, they all took off towards the Foundry in the far corner of Lowtown. Small trails of blood made Marian feel sick as she followed the path, avoiding the questioning looks from people staring at her little group of friends. But Gamlen stopped them just before they entered the building.

“I think it’ll be better if I wait back at my house to see if she returns. I’m not as fit as I used to be and would only slow you down. But hear me on this, you better bring her back safely, Marian.”

A quick nod was all he got as she continued running. No one took mind to the fact that this was the first time Marian’s name had been said in conversation around her friends, it seemed unimportant compared to the situation they were in. After a particularly strong kick to the Foundry door, it swung open and they dashed inside. Marian’s head was spinning. No way could she lose her mother too, not after her father and her siblings. Tears threatened to fall but she blinked them away, willing herself to keep her head high and to bring her mother back safe and sound.

After what seemed to be hours of running and way too many skeletons and spiders, they reached a basement which held a man, and possibly a woman sat in the chair behind him, facing the fireplace. Marian reached for her daggers on her back before the man even started to speak.

“Oh. Well this is a surprise. I don’t suppose you are poor Leandra’s family are you? Such a shame, for you see, she was needed for a very special... experiment. My poor wife died a few years ago and I missed her so much. So I started to collect pieces of her, so I could put her together again, to love her again. I believe it was you who was looking for me a few years ago too wasn’t it? Well, all those girls had similarities to my wife that I just couldn’t ignore. But I’m talking too much aren’t I? Well. Here you are, my beautiful wife, don’t be shy.”

The man gave a sly smile as he readied his staff, just as the woman stood and turned towards Marian. She saw her mother’s face and immediately turned to the mage and growled, leaping at him and attacking. It wasn’t long until he flopped to the floor after a successful stab to the heart. Filled with rage, Marian continued stabbing the lifeless body in the chest, crying softly.

“M-Marian?” It was almost a whisper but she recognised that voice anywhere and turned to face the creature. Marian didn’t know what to call it, but it had her mother’s face and it was on the edge of death after the blood mage’s defeat. Leandra fell to the floor and Marian took a second to look at what had happened to her, her skin was pale and there was stitching in her body; joining her arms, head and legs to her body. The eyes had been replaced and fingers were individually sewn on, no doubt it must have been painful but she guessed Leandra would have been dead already, only brought alive again to the mage’s magic. Tears flowed freely down Marian’s face.

“I can’t lose you mother. I already lost Carver and Bethany, and I’ll probably never see father again. Please.” She knew that it wouldn’t change anything, but the desperation grew and she could feel herself slipping from reality as it finally hit her about what was happening. She wouldn’t ever be comforted by her family again. All she has is her Uncle Gamlen now. Marian grabbed Leandra’s hand and sobbed hysterically. Leandra was telling her how proud she was of her eldest child, and how now she could look after Bethany and Carver, and be near the Maker now.

“But I don’t know if I can do this on my own. I- I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Marian broke down right there. Just as her mother’s grip weakened and her head fell back, her pulse stopped. Fenris reached for Marian and pulled her away from her mother, but Marian just screamed and thrashed around. He securely wrapped his arms around her and let her cry, scream and kick, but she eventually melted into his arms, crying softly into her lover’s arms. Varric and Isabela shared a sympathetic look as Varric walked towards the body and closed Leandra’s eyes. Motioning Fenris to start walking towards the exit, Isabela walked behind them and comforted the hysterical Marian from her other side, Varric staying in front of them. They walked in silence except the occasional spurts of hysterical crying from Marian, but none of them minded too much. Fenris offered to take Marian home while Isabela and Varric stayed in the Hanging Man, and with a brief agreement, it was left to just the two of them.

“Thanks for taking me home. Pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to find my own way home. I should be okay by tomorrow.” She gave a fake laugh but quickly went silent, Fenris still kept one arm on her back, softy guiding her to the Amell Estate. He stayed around for a while, making sure Bodhan knew what happened and that Orana made dinner, despite his distrust towards the elf. Marian stayed in the Library with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she stared into the fire, she needed time to adjust so Fenris just stood in the doorway keeping an eye on her. He eventually left as it was getting late, he promised to be back later tomorrow. Marian only grunted, incapable of actually talking without going over the edge again. Most of her friends visited her during the next day but she was unable to entertain them, so they entertained themselves, and Marion didn’t fall out of her depression state until later that day. Gamlen briefly visited too, distraught over the death of his sister, and he got too angry to be around Marian right now, he questioned the state of the man who did this to Leandra and Marian simply said,

“Dead” She put as much bitterness into the word as she possibly could and Gamlen nodded, leaving Marian alone again to feed her grief.

Fenris had visited again like he promised and he found Marian sat at the edge of her bed, sighing and arguing with herself. He briefly thought she was going insane but then she looked up and smiled at him, patting the bed beside her.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, his husky voice filled with concern and worry. Marian looked towards the fire. The flames mirroring in her eyes and warming her body.

“I just feel so empty. I have no one now. Mother and Father are gone, and so are Carver and Bethany. Who’d have thought that everything could change so drastically within only a couple of years? I’ll never be able to see that crooked grin from my Father, I’ll never see my Mother’s condescending look after one of us had brought weapons to the table.” She laughed lightly and Fenris just sat and listened. “I’ll never sneak up on Carver just to get a fight out of him while I am bored, and I’ll never see Bethany’s face full of fascination as she discovers a new spell. I’ll never see any of it and it kills me." "But now I just feel... empty. I don’t know what to live for anymore and I don’t know if I can carry on being the brave and strong Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall, after I’ve lost so much.” She sighed and looked at her arms. “Look at me Fenris, I’m a mess, how can I go out now after everything? The thought of how people would treat me if they saw how low I sunk makes me want to be sick. I just want to go back to a time where everyone was together and happy, safe even. But now I’ve witness the death of everyone close to me and I can’t help but worry it’ll happen to you, or Varric, or Isabela, Merrill, Aveline or even Anders. Because now? You guys are my family and I don’t want you guys hurt because of me.”

Fenris sighed and pulled his hand through his white hair. He wanted to comfort Marian but he had no idea how, so he chose to do so without words. He drew Marian close to him, wrapping an arm around her and placing his cheek on the top of her head. Ever so softly, tears fell down her face but Marian wiped them away with the back of her hand, she stayed like that for a while, Fenris occasionally kissing the top of her head so lightly that Marian thought she imagined it, which she guessed is what he wanted to think.

Fenris never left that night and he was there to soothe her when her nightmares returned – hopefully for the last time.


End file.
